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Muah!

So, the boy officially left the USA today. Before he left, I got a text message saying, "Bye, I'm taking the plane now." He's not originally from the US, so his english is a little broken, but I still thought the gesture was sweet. I didn't cry that he left, but I do feel sad. I'm still here, still doing whatever it is that I do, and he is long gone by now. Going to experience something more out of life. Maybe I'm a little jealous. Maybe I'm upset that our quasi date last night meant so much to me. Not because of him per say, but more because of the fact that I actually went on a date. I tried to get this across in my last entry, and I'm not sure if I did it completely or not, but that was a big deal for me. Just a date. I was so anxious before, and I didn't want to go, but I did. And I had a nice time. I needed it so much. I was happy to be here and excited about new possibilities. Anyway, he's gone now. He'll be missed.

I went to lunch with Victoria and Rob today, it was very nice. We went to Sweet Tomatoes which was wonderful, but decided to postpone the putt-putt due to Victoria being tired and the weather not being very putt-putt friendly. It actually stormed when I got home, so I think that we made the right decision.

I also stopped at a bookstore that was over in that area. They had a great bargain book area with an after Christmas sale, so I was able to get 3 books for only around $4 each. It was amazing.

I have to open tomorrow, then an audit with Shandon, then I think to PI because Kristin is in town from Seattle. I really don't want to go (what else is new, right?) but she was a big help to me last year, so I owe her enough to at least come out and say hi.

I got up this morning, or rather afternoon, and had this HUGE feeling of anxiety. It's strange because before, I would want to keep myself busy. I hated the idea of being alone. I would plan myself silly almost driving myself sick to keep from being left alone with my thoughts. Now though, it's almost the opposite. It's been this way for awhile now. I don't know if I'm depressed or what, but I don't want to do anything. I just want to stay in bed with Maddie and read my book or watch tv. It's not very healthy, I know, so I've been forcing myself to get up and do things.

Today for example, I didn't stay in bed. I went out and actually went on a date. Not the most normal of dates mind you (this is Florida and nothing seems normal around here). The guy is actually moving out of the country tomorrow. He was offered a job in the UAE. Amazing, I know. I guess he was very nervous to ask me out and figured it was his last night in town, so he might as well go for it. We went to Charley's Steakhouse and had a really wonderful meal. He paid for the whole thing, which was amazing, and I had a really good time. I was telling Victoria on the phone later, that it was good for me. It was a safe date. I'm well aware of the fact that it is not going to go anywhere (obviously, for he's moving out of the country), but it got me out of the apartment AND some more experience in the dating world, which I am not too good at. Maybe that part of me that is broken is starting to heal after all.

Then I went and saw a movie with Tisdale, Kim, and Gabbi. It was fun to go out with the girls.

Anyway, maybe I'll be okay. I've been learning a lot lately about life and myself. I know that I want more out of life than what I have at the moment. I want to experience more things and meet more people. It won't happen overnight, but I think I deserve it.

Again, it was a good night.

-There is a chance of snow here tonight. Yes, in Florida! Apparently, I didn't move far enough south to escape this crap. Ugh, it's soooo cold!

-Rob is picking me up at 11:00am in the morning and we are going to go visit Sutilak again. Her husband is going to be there this time, so we finally get to meet him. I'm excited about it, and a little nervous... we will see. Either way, I miss my sissy, and am really glad to be able to go and see her again. I will write an update once I know how she is doing.

-And now, to help complete my new years resolution, I give you this:

This year, my new years resolution is to be more catty.

I wanted one that I could actually live up to.

I saw Atonement with Jeremy tonight. It was a really good movie! I highly recommend it if you want to see a romance with a semi-cute boy. It has a good heart ache to it too.

Anyway, it got me thinking, mostly about a boy. THE boy, if you know what I mean, my epic love story. Bre said that it could be what I am looking for. I don't get my hopes up. He's too nomadic and noncommittal, plus this is me. The short, chubby girl who people only go to when they need her. Regardless, it got me thinking. The boy then turned into the store, and the store turned into tears. And suddenly, I was crying, and I couldn't stop. My heart is broken, and hurts so bad.

Then it hit me. I want someone to blame. I want the reason Shopping Center is closing to be someone's fault. I want a person I can get mad at and never speak to again. I want a person who, in the future, will realize their wrong, and want to make amends. I want someone to yell at, someone to tell everyone to hate. I want someone to blame so I can find a reason in this chaos.

However, there is nobody to blame. I could turn my back on the whole town, but then what would be the point of me wanting to go home so badly this week? How do I deal with this anger? Who can I talk to?

Why am I so utterly alone?

Rob and I went to visit Sutilak today. I was not prepared for it to be the all day adventure that it was, but oh well.

He picked me up a little after 12:30. I was out walking Maddie when he drove up, so he was able to find my apartment relatively easy. Then of course, I made him cuddle her, because she is so freakin adorable!

We then stopped at the florist to get Sutilak some flowers. She hates carnations, so we had to find something that she liked. We eventually settled on an orchid in a vase with a dragonfly thing on it. Kinda oriental, I guess. Then we had to stop at Walgreens to get Sutilak some big bandaids. She had blackberried Rob asking for us to pick some up because all she had was the small ones and it took forever for them to cover up her incisions.

Then we were on our way.... to Deltona. For those of you who don't know where Deltona is, it's about 10 min away from Detona Beach, which is about an hour from Orlando. What was I going to talk to Rob about for that long? Needless to say, conversation flowed rather smoothly. We tried to keep it away from work as much as possible, but it snuck in there a few times.

We got a little lost in Deltona because it has 3 exits off of I-4, and we took the wrong one. We almost ran out of gas too, so when Rob stopped to get gas, we called Sutilak for direction clarification.

She has a really cute little house. It's a cottage house because it is so close to the ocean, but very comfortable. It even has an orange tree AND lemon tree in the backyard! I was like a little kid when I saw it. I decided that when I get a house of my own, I want it to have an orange tree in the back yard. It's just a must!

Sutilak was doing well. For just having surgery a few days ago, she was at least up and moving around. I was under the impression that she had breast cancer, but today I found out it was ovarian cancer. They removed her ovaries, and are waiting on the biopsy to find out if it is milignant or not. I guess it's a waiting game. As of right now, the doctors are saying that she is fine and won't have to be on chemo. They expect her to be back to work in 4-6 weeks. Still, that is a long time without my sissy!

We stayed there for about an hour and a half until Sutilak looked tired and we decided that she needed her rest. We both promised that we would return, and gave her a hug. I miss her already. She is an angel to me down here. For those of you who don't know who Sutilak is, she is from Thailand, but went to school in England. From there, she moved to New York for a little while. Once she was married, she moved with her husband to New Orleans so that he could open up his own shop. They lived there until Katrina hit, and they were displaced. Now, she is living here, while he is restoring his shop in New Orleans. He wasn't even able to get the time off to come to her surgery. However, I think that she likes it better that way. She is a very private person, and does things on her own. She doesn't take any crap from anyone either. She's one of my life's idols.

Rob and I then left and drove the hour back home. We found the conversation was much easier then, for we talked a lot about Sutilak and what was going to happen and so on. It's nice to have the team members that I do. We even went out to dinner (and he paid!). It was a nice day.

Once dropped off, I met up with Jeremy and we went Christmas shopping at Downtown Disney. I still had to get gifts for Connor, Emmy, and Payton. Now all I have to do is mail them out.

I sit here now reflecting on everything. The store, my grandma, Sutilak. I have the small Christmas tree that my grandpa made for me so many years ago plugged in by my bed. It sheds a warm, calming light. When it's on, I'm at peace. I think that it is one of my most cherished possessions.

I wish I was still on the cruise, I wish I was still on the cruise, I wish I was still on the cruise.

It's funny how this cruise was like night and day different from last year. Amazing, really. I had SUCH a good time. And because things are so sucky right now, I keep thinking about the cruise and wishing I was there. I'll have to post pictures soon.

This week coming is the last week that we are going to have Paw Paw Shopping Center. My heart is broken, literally. Sometimes I don't think that I am going to be able to continue breathing when I think about it. It hurts so much.

Tomorrow, Rob and I are going to go visit Sutilak in the hospital. I miss her so much. I can't believe that she is going to be gone for so long. At least Rob is going to stay at this location. If it was going to be with the both of them gone, I didn't even know if I wanted to stay here or not.

I don't know. Things are so freaking confusing.

I talked to Gregory last night on the phone for around 2 hours. And during those two hours, it was like my life made sense. I hate that things have to be as they are.

My Grandma is still in the rehabilitation center. I think only for a little while longer, though, so that's good. Still, I'm really concerned about my Dad. I just want to do something that is going to make him feel better, or make him smile. I try to send him little e-mails, or call him on the phone. He's not like he used to be though. I know that he is hurting and that hurts me even more.

What do I do?

1) Where did you begin 2007?
Orlando, Florida

2)What was your status on Valentine's Day?
Newly single

3) Were you in school (anytime this year)?
Nope

4) How did you earn your money?
I work hard. (aka, a mouse gives it to me)

5) Did you have to go to the hospital?
I went to visit Todd. I think I've been pretty healthy this year.

6) Where did you go on holiday?
I went home a few times, went to Arizona for Julie's wedding, Las Vegas, North Carolina, am going to go on a cruise next week.

8) What did you purchase that was over $1000?
Not this year, but I still have bills. Blah.

9) Did you know anybody who got married?
Julie!!!!!

12) Did you move anywhere?
Out of crapville into celebration

13) What concerts did you go to?
Gwen Steffani

15) Are you registered to vote?
Yes I am and proud of it!

16) Who did you want to win Big Brother?
Mike

17) Where do you live now?
Celebration

18) Describe your birthday.
My mom came down the visit me, which was awesome! We went to visit my Grandparents and had a nice dinner. I was sad all day though from my recent breakup.

19) What's one thing you thought you'd never do but did in 2007?
Learn that it is okay to be alone and actually enjoy it sometimes.

20) What has been your favorite moment?
Anytime spent with my gay boys.

21) What's something you learned about yourself?
I'm still learning to grow into my personality. I think of it as an episode of Friends. In the first few seasons, they were funny, but as time went on, they grew more and more into their characters. I'm starting to grow into me. :)

22.) Any new additions to your family?
Little Miss Payton Conolly.

23.) What was your best month?
Probably March. As hard as it was for me to get over my ex, that month was when I really started to change and figure out who I am today.

24.) What music will you remember 2007 by?
"Glamorous" and "Big Girls Don't Cry" by Fergi, "Sweet Escape" by Gwen, anything High School Musical or Hairspray

25) Who has been your best drinking buddy?
Bill, Will, Mike, and Dexter

26) Made new friends?
Tons! And I couldn't live my life without any of them now.

27) Best new friend?
Breanne

28) Is there someone you regret kissing in 2007?
Ummmm..... one person is coming to mind. Although, I don't really regret it, I just don't think it was the wisest idea circumstance permitting.

28) Favorite Night out?
I can't pick just one. Any night downtown at Chillers is a blast. The night Jamie was break dancing at PI, the many trips to Epcot with Victoria.... it goes on and on.

29) Favorite day at work?
Who has a favorite day at work? I guess if I had to pick one, it was just the other day when we had the noise testing.

30) Deaths?
My poor little Molly. Not a day goes by when I don't miss her.

31) Saddest moment?
Wow. This has been kinda a crappy year. The break-up on the cruise sucked. Losing Molly was really hard too, however, this thing with PPSC is taking the cake.

32) Longest drive?
With my parents when we went to the Grand Canyon. The midnight escape with Todd and Bill to Miami to visit Krystin was quite long as well.

33) Favorite drink?
Michelob Ultra

34) Favorite gift?
MADDIE!!!!!!!

35) The best thing about 2007?
And I repeat... MADDIE!!!!!!

It's about time I had one of these posts. It's just fitting right now.

Here are the things I hate to date:

-Walmart
-the way Disney Channel stops showing good shows after 1:00am
-Target commercials
-Dasani Water
-how people find farting in public offensive
-bills
-Julie the scheduler
-insensitive people
-when your friends are in relationships and you are left alone.
-spoiled milk
-catching the bus to work
-uncertainty
-the writers strike
-stupid people
-alien movies
-people who don't support human rights
-bars closing at 2:00am, but giving last call at 1:15am.
-getting someone's voicemail
-people not calling when they say they are going to.
-having to get up early
-having too many things on your mind
-unfaithful people
-having to buy new shampoo
-opening new ketchup bottles
-Christmas stuff before Thanksgiving
-hangnails
-death
-missing people
-the sound of my alarm clock
-missing the previews before the movies
-warm beer
-noisy neighbors
-people who call sick for work when they are not really sick
-bad hair days
-living far away from my family
-books with crappy endings
-bad pictures
-slow computers
-mean people
-how there are 27 different kinds of Law and Order shows
-when I forget to set the vcr
-that I still have to set my vcr
-feeling helpless
-that Christmas has to happen at all this year
-every cute celebrity boy seems to be already married
-that Neil Patrick Harris is gay
-Krystin
-grapes with seeds
-stains
-
umm, I'm sure there is more, but I'm really tired. I'll have to continue later if I think of others.

I had one of the best days of my entire life the other day. On Thursday to be exact. For starters, I opened that day and we had this lady come in to do noise testing in the restaurant. All the servers and some seaters had to wear this box with a microphone that picked up their sound waves. Well, Mike, Sandy, and I actually had one of the servers convinced that it recorded everything and sent it to my blackberry. It was amazing. We had so much fun!

Anyway, after work, I went to Epcot with some friends to watch some of my friends in the Christmas Tree Lighting and Candlelight Processional.

Friend in Tree Lighting:

Isn't he (she) cute? That's what bff's are for!

Friends in Candlelight:

I circled them. There was one more, but he got cut out of this picture. :(

However, the best part of the day was this:

Neil Patrick Harris was the host!

He banged his head on the microphone after the last concert, but it's okay. I still love him. I can't wait until he decides he's not gay after all.

Now, for the sad part of the night.

This is Mike's view of the candlelight processional. Hahahaha! "What a strange and musical tree."

Now, for the next few day.....

How do I get myself into these situations? Victoria is right, I should write a book. Honestly, is everyone else's lives less complicated than mine?

Oh goodness, I don't know what to do.

My friends rented a cabin at Fort Wilderness tonight for Wednesday night poker night. It was super fun, but oh goodness......

Nothing makes sense right now.

VICTORIA, I NEED YOU!!!!! (don't be mad at me!)

K. Bye.


p.s. crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap.

I have to open in the morning. Maybe things will look differently then. Oh goodness. VICTORIA! HHHHHHEEEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPP!

My idea of a perfect night is as follows....

Cuddled up on my couch with Jeremy and my dog watching re-runs of The Office and drinking cheap wine out of coffee mugs.

Such was my night, and life is good.

Too bad the outside stresses have to get in the way. Boo to that.

Today was Thanksgiving? Really? I don't think I would've even noticed due to the fact that some genius (who belongs to the powers that be)decided it would be a good idea to open up a second restaurant on Thanksgiving weekend. Honestly. Two restaurants? Are you trying to give me an ulcer? Anyway, back to my point. I don't think I would've even noticed that it was Thanksgiving except for the fact that there was this huge TURKEY taking up half of my parking lot. That's right folks. Another genius, thought that the turkey that the President pardoned would be nice in the Thanksgiving Day parade today. Okay, a pardoned turkey in the parade, I get it, kinda cool. However, in my parking lot? Not so cool. How am I supposed to get to work if there is a TURKEY in my parking spot? And not just one Turkey, TWO OF THEM! Do you know why there is two? In case the pardoned turkey DIES! Apparently, when a turkey feels a great deal of stress, it tends to die. So, we can't have the pardoned turkey die now can we? So, let's get two! Let's just bring the whole fricken barn to the parking lot. Not that it's important or anything. A turkey, whose life was spared by the President so as not to be ate on Thanksgiving Day, but is going to die anyway from stress, is MUCH more important. Seriously. Just when I thought I had seen it all.....

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Okay, I feel better. Wait....


AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Okay. Now.

At this moment, life is amazing. I have a new friend in my life who has already filled me with hope, laughter, and love. He has taught me to live life to the fullest and to absorb each moment. It's a pretty powerful gift.

Also, there is a possibility of a new boy... dare I think about it?????

So, I made it back from my North Carolina trip all nice and safe. (more details later)

Unfortunately, things didn't work out so well for Alan Dale. If you don't know who Alan Dale is, he is an actor, oh better, this guy:



Why isn't he having a good day? Let's put the facts together.
He was on the O.C. playing a rich business tycoon who people (Julie) were trying to marry for his money. Then, half way into season 2, he died of a heart attack. Please view the following:



Then, he was offered a spot on the ABC hit show Ugly Betty. He was to play a rich business tycoon who people were trying to marry for his money (or magazine in this case). Then, this happened:



He died of a heart attack half way into season 2.

Poor guy. Maybe in his next show, he will at least make it to season 3!

Maddie and I are flying to North Carolina on Thursday to visit Amy and Fernando and go to the Marines ball. Yes, the Marines ball. Jealous? Victoria help me pick out a gorgeous dress on Friday, so all I need is to figure out how to do my hair and we are all set.

Amy and I are going to get our hair and nails done when I get there on Thursday before the big night.

Finally, this princess gets to go to the ball!

So my PDP is do....soon. I had to have my CES action plan done by tomorrow, and I finished that today. All Vinnie needs to do is read it over and approve it, and then I can send it in. But as for my PDP.... I have no clue. I mean, I know I accomplished a lot this year, but how to put it all in a certain format that will give me the best ranking possible.... Ick. I helped Sutilak with hers today and kept thinking of things to add to mine. So far, this is what I have:

1) Took over schedules for 90+ cast
2) Took over manager schedules for both locations
3) Menu rollout
4) Party of the senses
5) Rollout of Resort Soft Skills
6) Nat's going away party (and other misc Cast celebrations)
7) Schedule bid
8) Took over training
9) Helped train and teach new TA
Umm... what else?
One of my servers told me that the things I do best is being able to calm the location. He said that no matter what happened, I was able to stay calm and collected which made them calm and collected. He said I do almost more for them mentally than what I can accomplish in the physical nature. (i.e schedules and such) Pretty good compliment.

Anyway, it's stressing me out. So much for staying calm and collected.

This is why I do what I do.